Wednesday, July 30, 2008

To everyone especially Gu Long fans: Must read!!!

I stumbled upon this essay on Chow Yee Hoong's blog, and it is absolutely hilarious....if this was indeed written during exam period, you got to admire the author's courage and incredible sense of humor...

 

[爆笑]北京高考零分作文
题目:“细雨湿衣看不见,闲花落地听无声”是唐朝诗人刘长卿在《别严士元》中的诗句。曾经有人这样理解这句诗:1、这是歌颂春天的美好意境。2、闲花、细雨表达了不为人知的寂寞。3、看不见、听不见不等于无所作为,是一种恬淡的处世之道。4、这种意境已经不适合当今的世界……根据你的看法写一篇作文。题目自拟,体裁不限。字数800以上。


盛夏,夜,深夜。


景山山颠。


山上有人,两个人,一男一女。


这两人就是当今武林名声最响的两位杀手,男的名秋细雨,女的叫叶闲花,江湖人称“细雨闲花”。


诗人刘长卿曾用“细雨湿衣看不见,闲花落地听无声”来描述这两个可怕的杀手。细雨湿衣,湿衣的是鲜血;闲花落地,落地的是人头。这两人杀人来无影去无踪,如果他们想杀你,当你还没看到他们人影没听到他们声音的时候,你就已经死了。


秋细雨三天前接到一份帖子,指名要杀叶闲花。事成之后,不但有三百万两冥币,更可以让他在“红楼梦中人”选秀节目中担任曹雪芹的角色!


但是杀死叶闲花比杀死比尔还要困难得多。


江湖中没有一个人清楚叶闲花的武功来历,性格脾气,但是每个人都知道叶闲花的故事。


叶闲花有一双迷人的大眼睛,据说她曾一动不动地瞪死过赵薇和高圆圆,而那一年她才十七岁。


叶闲花声音有如黄莺般幽婉醉人,传说听过她说话后林志玲身体酥麻了整整一年,你说要不要命?


叶闲花轻功独步武林,踏雪无痕,落地无声,号称超过当年青翼蝠王韦一笑。有人见她上星期在高速公路上偷了刘翔奥运会入场证,刘翔追出一万公里最后被活活累倒。


一般人听到叶闲花的故事早就吓得去买尿不湿了,但是秋细雨没有去买。


秋细雨不是一般人。


他知道,杀人不但要靠技术,还要拼人品!


秋细雨很镇定,他正用一把指甲刀修整着手指甲,他的手指修长有力。


他要等待,等待对方先沉不住气。高手相争,不允许一丝一毫的失误,先沉不住气的人就会露出破绽。


致命的破绽!


因此秋细雨一言不发,只是静静地玩弄着指甲刀。


没想到叶闲花更是好整以暇,自己悠然自得地涂口红,喷香水。


秋细雨只好先发制人,道:“你知道我找你出来是为什么。”


叶闲花温柔道:“在我们动手之前,不能先谈谈么?”


秋细雨道:“我是来杀人的,不是来聊天的。”


叶闲花道:“你有把握杀我?”


秋细雨道:“我从不做没有把握的事情。”


叶闲花道:“我要提醒你一件事。”


秋细雨道:“你说。”


叶闲花道:“百晓生作杀手谱,小女子是杀手榜排名第一,阁下区区第二,你真能杀得了我么?”


秋细雨道:“我也要提醒你一件事。”


叶闲花道:“你说。”


秋细雨道:“论杀手实力,我本在你之前,只是那次排名百晓生采用了短信投票系统,中国‘花痴’人数过于庞大才让你得了第一。”


叶闲花的脸色一变,道:“我更要提醒你,我的粉丝团叫‘花粉’,不叫‘花痴’!”


秋细雨道:“我最后要提醒你,你的那些‘花粉’全都是花痴。还有,我们已经跑题了。”


叶闲花道:“我们这样拼命厮杀,你难道不怕麻烦么?”


秋细雨道:“你以后再也不用怕麻烦了,天下只有一种人永远不怕麻烦,死人!”


叶闲花道:“这么说你非逼我出手不可?”


秋细雨没有回答,他已不用回答。


秋细雨道:“亮兵器!”


叶闲花道:“我用刀。”


秋细雨道:“你用刀?刀在何处?”


叶闲花道:“我就是刀!”


叶闲花露出甜甜的笑容,忽然间褪下了自己的衣服,全身上下只剩下蕾丝比基尼和黑色丝袜。


叶闲花的脸美得让人窒息,再配上这样的身材,这样的服饰,充满了一种原始的诱惑力。


她的眼睛会说话,她的媚笑会说话,她的手,她的胸膛,她的腿……她身上每分每寸都会说话。


她知道,只要是个不瞎的男人,现在肯定会被她迷得神魂颠倒。


秋细雨是个男人,而且是个不瞎的男人。


可他现在却偏偏好像瞎了一样,完全无动于衷。


他知道,美丽的女人是一把刀,当你沉醉的时候,刀就会切进你的胸口。


秋细雨沉吟道:“我只想问你一件事。”


叶闲花娇笑着:“请讲。”


秋细雨道:“大夏天的,穿这么少你丫不怕蚊子叮啊?”


叶闲花沉默了半晌,幽幽地道:“你一定以为刚才我在喷香水,是不是?我告诉你,我喷的是六神花露水!”


叶闲花又道:“不过这不是普通的六神,是我特别提炼的药水,无色无味无毒,不过却会慢慢扩散在空气中,闻到它的人会四肢麻痹不能动弹。”


秋细雨一惊,忽然觉得身体已经麻木不听使唤,不由得一身冷汗。


叶闲花又道:“你以为我和你扯淡是因为我害怕,以为我脱掉衣服是想色诱你,其实这都是为了拖延时间让药水能扩散到你周围。”


秋细雨面上不动声色,道:“难道你自己不怕药水的厉害?”


叶闲花得意地道:“一开始我涂的口红就是解药,所以我仍然可以自由行动。”


叶闲花逼视着秋细雨,问道:“现在你还认为你能杀了我么?”


秋细雨道:“我能。”


叶闲花道:“你不能动而我能动,你却能杀了我,这不是很好笑么?”


秋细雨道:“是很好笑,但是你一定会被我杀死。”


叶闲花道:“为什么我会被你杀死?”


秋细雨忽然反问道:“飞刀能不能杀人?”


叶闲花道:“好像能。”


秋细雨道:“我有没有手?”


叶闲花道:“的确有。”


秋细雨道:“我手上有没有刀?”


叶闲花道:“你手上好像只有指甲刀。”


秋细雨道:“足够了。”


叶闲花道:“足够了?”


秋细雨道:“我有手有刀,就能置人死地。”


叶闲花道:“指甲刀也能杀人?实在可笑!”


秋细雨道:“以前江湖中有七十三个人觉得我这把指甲刀很可笑。”


叶闲花道:“现在呢?”


秋细雨道:“现在人都已死了,死在这把刀下。”


叶闲花道:“你的手还能动?”


秋细雨道:“你要不要试试?”


叶闲花脸上的笑容渐渐凝固,忽然间,她已出手!


一招“冒牌九阴白骨爪”直逼秋细雨天灵盖,这一招她已练过七年四个月零二十九天,她完全有把握相信没有任何人可以抵挡得了这一招。


可这一次她错了。


刀光一闪,“盗版小李飞刀”已插入她的咽喉。


她到死也不相信,一把指甲刀可以要了她的命!


闲花终于落地!


三个时辰后,药水的药效渐渐淡去,秋细雨终于可以动弹了。


望着叶闲花的尸体,秋细雨道:“虽然你已经死了,但是我还要告诉你两件事。第一,我一直用甲刀修整着手指甲是为了调整手和刀之间的同步率,说白了就是找手感。第二,我杀你的真正目的不是为了钱或者名利。”


一边说,秋细雨一边从叶闲花衣服的口袋里搜出了刘翔的奥运会入场证。


秋细雨坚定地说:“我爱北京,我要看奥运!”

Sunday, July 27, 2008

New place, new life

When I first started my job, I kept on whining about almost everything when I really should not. I think I was mainly terrified by the idea that I was already a perceived grown up and should start acting like one. I also did not like the idea that I was about to enter the "working" part of my life...no more long vacations, no more spring breaks, more commitments, more responsibilities etc. But one month after, I've kind of found my center and start to appreciate things more. Life is actually not that bad, and I hope things won't take a sudden downturn when I am starting to enjoy it. Right now, I am seeing this period as a time when I build my foundations for a better and more exciting future...

So let me start by describing my new apartment (ok, maybe I should not sound like I own it). It is called the Stonegate apartments, and I just love it for its convenient location. It is less than 10 minutes from my workplace, and it has everything you need within 5 miles radius (Walmart, Meijier, Kroger, cinemas, banks, post office etc). The Monon Trail, a nice jogging trail that goes as far as to downtown Indianapolis runs right through it, and there's a lake not far from my apartment. The Arts and Design District of Carmel is also within walking distance. In a nutshell, excellent location.

The apartment itself is not so new, but I got a remodeled unit. Hence, the microwave and oven are new, and next week they are going to do some work on the windows. The only downside of it is that there is no washing machine in the unit, so I have to go out of my room to do my laundry, and it's coin laundry. But well, the laundry room is literally like 5 steps away from my unit, so no complaints.

As for the community, I think Stonegate is more like an area for people who just started working or families with lower incomes. I see a lot of Hispanics around (most of my neighbors are Hispanics), some Indian families, and not to mention Chinese families. I think my next door neighbor is a Chinese, but we did not really talk as we rarely bump into each other. From what I have seen thus far, the people here are decent folks. No loud music on weekend nights, no crazy activities around. This should be a good place for me to study...

Due to my limited funds, I took the minimalist approach in furnishing my apartment (haha). Let the pictures do the talking: 

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Living room...Yup the weird thing is a video bean bag...can't afford a futon yet :P

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My computer desk at the corner. It took me more than half a day to assemble that monster...

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My entertainment center!!! A pathetic 22-inch flat screen TV (two of my colleagues who were also just newly hired bought 40-inch!!) and of course, my wii :)

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Dining table and kitchen.

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Kitchen with microwave and oven (sinks are across the aisle)

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My full-size bed...

Basically it's a nice apartment with a nice price (<600 per mo). Will blog more about the surroundings next time!

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Winter fun

Found out this video when I was trying to upload my photos to Snapfish. It was taken during our freshmen year (judging by the fact that Qun Feng was still there). Although that is probably like 3-4 years ago, it almost felt like centuries ago...



How I miss those days...we seemed so carefree and innocent!! (and kinda stupid and wuliao not to mention..)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Moving out of Ann Arbor

After just a mere month of resting, I had to move on with life; my next stop would be Carmel, a town about half an hour away from Indianapolis, Indiana. The good thing about this place is that it is 4 hours away from Ann Arbor, and this means that I can practically go back to my college town during the weekends, whenever I wish to.

The packing and moving was not that bad, due to the fact that I did not unpack most of my belonging when I moved to U-Towers. Coincidentally, Ren Jie would be leaving the states the very same day I moved out from Ann Arbor. Hence, we had a small gathering and dined in Yamato, a Japanese restaurant in Kerrytown the night before our departures.

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Group photo

The food was ok, but the AC wasn't working that day, and it was a hot day. After dinner, I packed all my stuff into my car with the help of Wei Chieh and Ren Jie (thanks!), and had some card games before calling it a day.

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Our messy room in U-Towers right before moving..

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The bathroom and pathetically small kitchen

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Wei Chieh being himself

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Ren Jie was like: "What??!! Haven't seen leng chai before ar??"

Soon after, I would be bidding Ann Arbor goodbye and embark on a new journey!!! Well, right now I have already known that it is not a particularly exciting one, but let me blog about that later...I'm catching up!!!